God's Revelation I

It’s amazing, and kind of amusing, how God has the power to change your decision just in an instant.


It’s like yesterday, you woke up feeling like you’re already in the wrong part of the world, and then today, He lets something happen just to make you realize that you are not and you never were. 


When this happens to you too, all you can do is smile and cry and feel blessed and thank the Lord for making it happen.

Anniversary Special ღ

I’m finding it hard to start this blog post; not because I do not have something to say, but because I have a lot of things to say and I can’t find the right words to literally explain how contented and overwhelmed I am at this very moment.

One year of officially being with the one I love the most, and seventeen months of having him as a special person in my life is unquestionably the longest time that I’ve used my heart for the ultimate purpose it has other than to keep us biologically alive – to love.

I can say the most hackneyed line that suggests that time flies so fast is true. On a daily basis, I just wake up having him as my first thought, and then he stays on it the whole day that sometimes I catch myself having a detour off of my real world just to daydream about him, and every night he is the last thing in my mind and there are plenty of nights when he is there in my dreams too, not to haunt me, but to make it sweet & special – it just goes like this everyday. No wonder I can say to myself that it’s hard to believe it’s a year with him already because every ticking of the clock, our hearts beat as one, which made me forget about the time, the period that we’ve been together, and just think about my undying love for him – the love that keeps on growing every single day. I can’t believe that it is still possible for me to fall in love with someone any more than I already was, but I was wrong.

People say that he’s too lucky to have me in his life, but I tell them that it’s the other way around. I was the one who is so blessed to have him in mine. Until now, I still can’t find the right reason that is enough for me to say that I deserve someone like him. What he sees in me for him to stay committed to me this long a time? I really don’t have any idea. But whatever it is, I am more than thankful.

Enough with the brimming sweetness. I’m writing to share with you the happiness that we have had for a two-day celebration of our anniversary. :)

Due to my being locked up at home every Sunday (Disclaimer: saying that my parents are strict would count as an understatement), we were not able to go out on our Anniversary Proper. Nevertheless, we were able to get pleasure from it by being sweet all throughout the day. He was teasing me that the only important reason to celebrate that day is nothing but Easter Sunday. And he’s just so cute whenever he teases me. Hihi.

Greeting each other at twelve midnight is too mainstream, but for me, it’s still one of the sweetest things ever; to stay awake and wait for that special day to arrive – it’s just too incredible.

The day went well and I have to say that even though we are not together, I can feel him beside me. If I could, I would pick him up in my mind and heart and then hug the life out of him. Hihi. >:D<

Facebook also served as our instrument to make each other feel extra special that day. For our seventeen months of being together, I’ve known him as a person who is not showy. Honestly, I prefer one who can sweep me off my feet by his words and actions every now and then. He does it less frequently; that is why, when he utters the words that I’ve been dying to hear, I can’t help but melt into a puddle. Anniversary statuses are the best, that’s all I can say. It’s kind of a tradition every month. But it gets sweeter and sweeter. Hihi.

Sweet, yeah? Hihi. :) And for the good night message, we’d go for short yet sweet. Hihi.

We’ve been busy the whole week; I went to school to process my scholarship renewal (one of the things I’ve been super thankful for) and to enroll for our summer classes that will start next week (April 16, 2012). #FML Meanwhile, he’s been busy finding a company for his internship, then he went to Laguna to have quality time with his family, and he went to school too to enroll for his practicum. We agreed to meet on the 13TH, and it’s on a Friday. -_- As usual, it has been a difficult time making my parents consent to our anniversary date. But of course, I made them agree to it by the end of our conversation (through a series of white lies, though).

Friday came, and I thought we would suffer from Friday the 13TH-bad-luck. Thankfully, everything went well according to my plans. Hihi. Finally, we met each other after a week of missing each other so much! :”> Seeing him just makes me feel like I’m floating on cloud nine. I was dumbfounded when he told me that our date will be on SM Megamall. All throughout the week, I thought we’ll just be spending our day at Trinoma. Haha. I still can’t get over my foolishness. Hihi. 

First thing we did while waiting for lunch time is to play at World of Fun :”> Basketball, a game where you will protect the hole on your side and shoot the round object to his (Ugh. Whatever you call it), car racing, motorcycle racing, and my new favorite: Terminator Salvation!!! \m/

(copyright to the owner)

The gun was freaking heavy that’s why I am now suffering from body pain, but it’s super worth it! I enjoyed a lot. Hihi. 


After an hour in the arcade, we went outside the mall and I have no idea where we are heading. I just smiled to myself because that’s how I like it – when I don’t have to think anymore and my boyfriend would just lead me to the next place we’re supposed to be at. We kept on walking until we are in a place named “El Pueblo”. I asked him why we’re there and he told me that we’ll eat. I was astonished because there are a lot of restaurants in there. We kept walking until we stopped in front of Racks. My eyes widened because it’s part of the list of the restaurants I’d like to eat at. “Wow. This guy is just so a-m-a-z-i-n-g,” I told to silently myself. Hihi. :”>

Again, he already knows what to order so the only choice that is up to me is what side dish and drink shall we order. I am proud to say that it is my first time to eat lunch without rice (just bread and pasta) and I still managed to get myself full and feel bloated afterwards *brrrrrp* :3 Hihi.

It took us a long time (almost two hours) to finish our food and because it’s too many, I was unsuccessful so we just took it home. Hihi. The food is so yummy and I find myself drooling every time I think of it! Hihi. Finally, I’ve tasted the best ribs in town. ;) A million thanks to my thoughtful boyfriend for treating me at Racks El Pueblo. *_*

It was my turn now to give him some stuff. I feel so small for my simple gift for him, which is why. :( So I decided to buy him our favorite: MILK TEA. I ordered Milk Winter Melon Tea @ Gong Cha. Of course, it’s the best milk tea in town! Even though we’re still full, we kept on drinking and drinking. Hihihih. <3

My gift for him (Compilation of letters for him)

We went to Trinoma again so I could buy him a cake @ Cafe Mary Grace (baked goods in there are also the best). I made him choose the flavour that he likes, but he didn’t! He told me that he would walk-out if I buy him one. Errrr. -_- I still can’t forget how upset and disappointed I am that moment. I just bought boxes of cheese rolls and brownies for him instead. :| Ugh. Failed plan because of his blackmail. I will never let that happen again! I swear. Well hopefully, he (and his family) liked it. :”> 

(copyright to the owner)

It’s time to go home now so we went for a bus ride. Having him beside me, holding his hand and hugging him and talking to him about random things, laughing and smiling for childish reasons... Just the best feeling I could ever have :”> He is the first person to make me experience all the wonderful feelings in the world and I know deep inside me that he will be the last too. <3

We went home dead tired, but knowing that you’ve spent your whole day with that special someone you are willing to share your whole life with makes all the body aches worth it and you would still end up smiling despite all of them.

The night has been quiet and sweet between us and to end our two-day anniversary celebration with a sweet text from him is truly beyond compare. I’ve had the best date ever!!! <3

Who wouldn’t fall more deeply in love with a guy like him? He is the best thing that ever happened to me. He really is. :">

Thank you, Louis Dominic Cuevas Hernandez! You are awesome! <3


I vow to have the endurance that our love demands.
And no matter what challenges might carry us apart.
We will always find our way back to each other.


<3 Jan Erika Castillo Custodio xx

***************

Oh, You Inspire Me.

Le Acrostic: I L-O-V-E Y-O-U ღ

April 8, 2012

It was once upon a time when I dreamt of the two of us celebrating this special day. A day that every couple has always wished to come, but not all of them make it. Fortunately, we did – one proof that our great God has blessed our relationship since day one. Imagine? After the ups and the downs, we have made this far. I doubt that we would if God weren’t in the center of our relationship, right? One year is too short for me to declare that “yes, you’re the one,” but too long enough to say that you’re not. For the many times that I’ve told you that you are the best thing that ever happened to me, there is not a day that I even thought of taking it back because there was never an ample reason to do so. You really are the best thing that ever happened to me, Dominic. ♥

Love has always been our stronghold, our saviour, our eustress, and our sweetest downfall. If it wasn’t dwelling in our hearts, we wouldn’t be together for a long time, obviously. And for countless reasons, I have realized that love is actually enough to make one person stay with you and inside of you. Let me point out that Genuine Love is what we need to make things work, and I’m proud that we have it. In my viewpoint, approximately 75% of our unbreakable relationship is attributable to our genuine love and just 25% to other essentials like trust, maturity, respect, etc. How? Because even though we individually lack some of those essentials, love has always filled the absence of each, especially when the road is rough and the times are tough between the two of us.

Our love story is like no other and yet it’s so close to perfection. Perfection in a sense that everything about our relationship is way better than anybody else’s. I know for a fact that there are a lot of things yet to be improved to make this last a lifetime. I know, too, that as we continuously search for the door that would bring us to the next level, we would face a lot of obstacles; like the ruthless zombies in Zombie land, or the clever enemy tributes in The Hunger Games, or the persistent villains in other movies who will never stop until they succeed in making us turn our backs from each other. Despite all these, I positively believe that as long as our grip to each other’s hand is strong enough, none of them would ever tear us apart and prevent us from making our dreams of eternity into reality.

Values are what you instilled unto me for one whole year. You taught me how to act like my age in certain circumstances and you showed me how wonderful life is for a person who knows how to appreciate even the simplest things. I apologize for being an immature, jealous and selfish girlfriend most of the time. Please do understand that I am like that because my love for you is overflowing, that even a slight idea of losing you or seeing you happy with somebody else makes me go through the hell of paranoia. For the nth time, I’m very sorry for being me. You know, I have always wanted to be the best girlfriend for you – that girl whom you cannot live without because you know that you belong with no one else but her. I hope that I could be that girl forever.

Everything I  do, I do it for you. You are the underlying reason why I do certain things, like waking up because I know that I’ll be facing another day with you here with me; eating, to have the vigour to do amazing things with you; studying, so we’ll have a bright future ahead; praying, to ask God to guide us in every step; and sleeping, so that I’ll have another chance to dream about your face. You have the power to inspire me to give my very best in everything, but you also have the power to put me at my lowest point. My whole world revolves around you, can’t you see? I don’t know if this is still okay, but how could one thing be so wrong if it feels so right? Your impact in my life is beyond compare.

Your soft, powerful voice that gives me butterflies, your eyes that make me melt whenever you stare at mine, the curls of your hair that makes you stand out amongst the others, your sweet lips that even a lifetime isn’t enough for me to kiss, your cold hands that always yearns for the warmth of mine, your feet that constantly leads you to me, your smell that never fails to send chills on my spine, your mind that is filled with breathtaking moments of our togetherness, your heart that endlessly beats for your beloved girl, and your good soul that mine is dying to spend its to infinity and beyond with. I just love everything about you. You complete me. To imagine life without you by my side is like a mental torture. To last a day without feeling your love is like lying in my death bed.

Over and over, I try to tell myself that the best is yet to come for us. It might take a lot of time, but it surely will. It’s the never-ending chase that will definitely keep the affection alive. And if I were to wish for something from you at this special day, I would simply ask you to never stop chasing. Never stop trying. Be consistent. Love me like you did when we were just starting. The fire in a gentleman’s heart waiting for a new love to blossom and the passion of a young lad who is hopelessly devoted to this one girl – never let it die and allow it to stay in the depths of your being. With that, I vow to have the endurance that this relationship demands. And though I told myself that nothing stays the same and everything changes, my hopes are high that the love we have is the exception.

Uncertain of what’s gonna happen in the future, let me say with conviction that, “A year we have conquered, we surely will in the years to follow.” Thank you so much for sharing a once in a lifetime love with me, my dearest. You don’t know how blissful my heart is because you’re there. Years may pass by, but I know that when I look back to the day when I first met you, I still won’t regret that I allowed you to become a huge part of my life. There will always be a space in my heart for you no matter what happens. Cheers to our first year, babe. Happy First Anniversary, Louis Dominic Cuevas Hernandez!  I’m looking forward to more days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, forever & ever with you. I Love You So Much, D. ♥

 ****************************Oh, You Inspire Me ♥

FRAGMENTS: The Let-out

March 09, 2012

“These thoughts of mine, I just can't hide away forever. I’ll get to your heart, someday.”

DEAR YOU,

While writing this, I am much aware that this would be a fragment as a whole. Incomplete and imperfect, just like what I am exactly right now. But I am positively hoping that in the end, I would somehow make sense.

I’m writing because I have so much to say, but my mind is so pre-occupied with thoughts of you that I can’t even think of the right words to utter. I’m writing with hopes that through letting it all out, I’d be able to move on and make myself believe that “this” would be for the best. I’m writing because this is the only way I could understand my f*cking self for having the guts to do things that will make you feel like walking away from me is the best thing you can do. I’m writing because I want to understand why you chose to leave me and tell me that you need some time alone. I’m writing because I have to entrench in my mind and heart that this day is the start of a life without you, because I don’t know if you’ll be coming back to pick me up where you left me. I’m writing with these tears wanting to flow down from my eyes, but my overactive tear ducts seem to have pity on me, preventing my tears from doing so. I’m writing because of the hell I’m going through for I have always loved you so much. And it kills me to know that I already lost the chance to make you feel how much you mean to me.

You walked away from me today, and it’s not like how you did in the past. This time, it’s different. I don’t know what you mean exactly when you said “Leave me be.” “I need an amount of time alone. Duration, I don’t know.” Was that your kind way of asking me to set you free? Was that your kind way of telling me that everything you will do for the next days, weeks, or months will all be none of my business? Damn, no matter how you delivered it and after all the efforts of saying those things in a nice way possible, it still hurts. It hurts like hell. It took me a lot of time to realize that there will never be an easy way to leave someone behind. But you know the worst thought I am having right now? “Did you mean that I need to forget everything about us from this day forward? Did you mean that we’re over?”

You walked away from me today, leaving me with so much to remember. How am I supposed to forget you? To not associate everything I see with you? To get you off of my system? To move on, keep going and live my life without you here, unlike how I used to for the past eleven months? To stop my world from revolving around you in an instant? The end of our 11^th month marked the end of our 11 months of being together. That made me feel like I’d rather die than not to be loved by you.

I am a novice when it comes to relationships. After all I’ve been through, I can say that I still am. And the greatest lesson I have yet to learn is how to love myself first. Second is how to overpower and control my emotions and how to use my brain in crucial moments instead. Third is how to become considerate, sensitive and respectful, and to know what my role is as a girlfriend. I have to admit that I find it hard because I’m a person who is stubborn and who resists change. But if it’s for my own betterment, why not? Why would I prevent myself from learning such things? Why do I still find it hard? I don’t really know. How and when will I get better? The answers to these questions, I’m dying to find out and realize soon.

It’s frustrating to be on the same page over and over again. No wonder you got tired of me. I want you to know that I’m f*cking tired of myself, too.

When you said you need a lot of time alone and away from me and when you said that you don’t know how long it will take for us to continue what we paused or to start all over again, I instantly felt like you took everything away from me, as in every hope that I have that we can make it through together. I felt like my world is shattered into pieces. And until now, I’m still figuring out how I will face the fact that I’m the one who’s left behind.

I’m sorry. I am sincerely sorry.

Thank you. Thank you for everything.

I love you. I always will.

But now, I have to go away. I have to go away from you – as in really far. I have to make sure that you won’t hear anything from me while I am in this state. I have to, partly because I want you to miss me, and for the most part, because I don’t want you to come back just because you see me like this, hurting so much and not being able to live my life well without you. I don’t want you to change your mind just because of your mercy towards me. I don’t want you to come back just because I need you, but because you realized that you need me in your life just as I need you in mine. I want you to recognize that despite everything, I am that girl you don’t wanna lose and who’s worth your love.

Until now, I don’t know how to get over you. The fact that it’s nearing finals makes me so depressed and intimidated. I have to divert my thoughts away from you. I have to forget you. I have to get rid of the pain and the mini heart-attacks I’ve been feeling every time I see you when I close my eyes and in my dreams. I have to get you off of my head and realize that it’s time for me to live my life alone and without you. Necessity rather than willingness because “have” is poles apart from “want”.

I would go away not because I do not care giving you any reason to stay with me. I just want you to realize that I have already given you and you are already holding the only worthy reason for you to stay – my heart, my love. If it’s enough, then please come back soon before it’s too late. If not anymore, then please just give it back to me.

How long will this unwanted silence and distance be between us? How long will you keep yourself far away from me? How long should I wait for you? Are you coming back? Or is it over between the two of us?

I’ll pray to God and I’ll ask Him to give me the strength and wisdom that I need to make it through this. I’ll pray to God and I’ll ask Him to guide you and to take good care of you for I can’t do that for you anymore. I leave everything to God now with confidence that His plans are always better than ours.

While writing this, I am much aware that this would be a fragment as a whole. Incomplete and imperfect, just like what I am exactly right now. Incomplete because someone took my heart away from me; I don’t even know if he has plans of giving it back. Imperfect, in his eyes, because no matter how hard I try, I can never be what he needs.

I am positively hoping that as I end this, I somehow made sense.

Oh, You Inspire Me ♥