I’m all laid up in my bed before the sun sets and suddenly I thought about one scene that led me to open my laptop and write something about it.
We all have the power to choose. And most of the time, our choices would mean so much to somebody else. You will come to a point in your life wherein you’ll say to yourself, “I HAVE TO CHOOSE HIM/HER!” because just being with the person you love is all that matters. And the other people/things around you don’t really matter anymore. Even if you’re going to lose them or hurt them, you don’t really care at all. As long as he’s there, you’re fine. And you’re willing to do every single thing just to keep him with you. You’ll do everything because you don’t want to lose him. Of course, I know that not all people are like this. Not all are insensitive and selfish. Not all think and feel this way. Not all are blinded by love. Not all are intoxicated with love. But, you know, once the feeling and situation’s there, you’ll ask yourself, “How can it be so wrong if it feels so right?”
Have you ever been in a situation wherein you need to choose between two people? Or choose between two things? Or choose between two events? Or choose between a person or a thing, or a person or an event, or a person or another person? (Okay, I guess I’m going to blow your mind up if I continue. HAHA J) And oftentimes, in these kinds of situation, you know that you can’t have them both. But you know what makes it more complicated when it comes to choosing especially when there are people involved? It’s the fact that if you choose one over the other, you know that the other one would get hurt or would feel worthless.
When we’re in love, let’s admit it: We tend to be selfish. As in, much more selfish as you could ever imagine yourself to be. Because you know that LOVE is the most powerful thing on earth, a feeling that could change someone into a better individual, you stick to your goal of wanting him to be the best person that he can be. But, believe me, love is sometimes ironic. You find faults in him and you think that you have to convince him to change his ways to make him better. But then, there comes the saying that “If you really love one person, you’re more than willing to accept who he is and who he’s not.” So what’s up now? What’s the right thing to do? Go on and change his ways so he could be a better person or tolerate his actions to prove to him that you accept everything about him because you love him so much? But, as I say, we tend to become selfish when we love. How? Just think about this;
There are things that you see in him and you think that it is wrong because it’s bad for him, like:
- Staying up all night doing nothing – you think that it’s bad for his health, specifically for his immune system. (Gosh, so scientific.)
- Playing video or LAN games with his friends until midnight – you think that it’s not safe to be out in the middle of the night and sleeping beyond 12MN is also bad for the health.
- Drinking alcoholic drinks – you know that it’s also bad for one’s health and you know that drunk people have nothing good to do with their lives during their “drunken state”.
- Sleeping in class – we all know that if you get caught sleeping in class by your professor, BOOM! Besides, you will learn nothing when you sleep while the lecture is on-going. You’re in school to study, not to take a nap.
- Being very close with other girls – you’re worried that people who’ll see him and are aware that he’s in a relationship might think that he’s flirting with somebody else and they may say things against him for that reason.
Of course, there are other situations wherein you’ll see something about him that you’d like to change in order to make him a better person. But, do you think that changing him will really make him a better individual? Or will he just turn into someone who’ll be better in your eyes ONLY? You oftentimes become selfish in these kinds of situation because besides that fact that you’re worried about his well-being, you also want to change his ways because you’re hurt with what he’s doing. Example;
- Staying up all night doing nothing – you’re hurt because you also want him to sleep while you’re asleep. You don’t want him doing other things when you’re asleep. That’s why when you wake up the next day and you knew that he’s not asleep while you are, you tend to get hurt.
- Playing video or LAN games with his friends until midnight – same as the first one. As much as possible, you don’t want him awake while you’re already asleep. And there are times that you’re anxious because you know that he’s enjoying and you’re not the reason why he is. And because of that you’re hurt.
- Drinking alcoholic drinks – especially when there are girls in the group? It’s a major NO NO NO! Because you’re afraid that when he gets drunk, he’ll do something out of his mind that would hurt you like kiss and flirt with other girls or even have sex with them, say things to his friends that are supposed to be just between the two of you, or do stupid things beyond his/your/somebody else’s wildest imagination. Damn, just thinking about it just hurts so much.
- Sleeping in class – you want to have a better future with him, and you do believe that sleeping in class wouldn’t help you both in achieving your dreams, then you could add the fact that when he fell asleep, you wouldn’t get any update from him.
- Being very close with his (girl) friends – hello? Who would want their guy to be close with other girls, huh? You know that it may cause some problems in your relationship, especially when you are the jealous type of girl. My golly, this is the most painful situation ever! Knowing that your man is having a great time talking and spending time with girls other than you and knowing that other girls can make him happy, not just you. It just breaks your heart into pieces. Even though you know that they’re his friends and JUST his friends, you don’t want him close to them as much as possible because you’ll be hurt if he would. You want him them to make you feel like you’re the only girl in the world. Isn’t it possible?
Sometimes, we tend to change the people around us because we are hurt with what they are doing. We may say that we are really worried about them; yes it’s definitely part of it. But deep down inside us, we also know that there are things that could make them happy, but could hurt us a lot. Who in the world would want to suffer from so much pain? I guess no one. That’s why we tend to convince them to change their ways. We do everything to make them change their ways for us. We change them into someone who is perfect in our eyes, someone who wouldn’t hurt us. We change them into someone according to how we see a righteous man in our own perspective. But we always forget that we have different principles and perspectives in life. We see things differently. What we feel about something will not be always the same as what other people feel about it. What causes you pain might be the cause of happiness to other people. But then again, we’re talking about feelings here. We feel hurt that’s why we ask them to change their ways for us. And without us being aware of it, we make them choose between us OR the things that make them happy, which puts them in a situation wherein they’ll have to give up the things that make them happy, no matter how hard it may be on their part, just to avoid hurting us because they love us so much. And there you have the guilt of asking your lover to give up the things that give him happiness and satisfaction, but at the same time, you are happy too, because they once again proved to you how much they really love you and how much they’re willing to give up something for love.
And then, I thought about myself being so selfish and being so immature with the way I think. But what should I do? Just get used to the pain in order to give him the freedom to be happy OR do everything to change his ways to suit my attitude? Is it really necessary to make him choose between me and other people/things/events in his life? I know I’ve been there before – making a very difficult choice. And then, I thought about the second paragraph in this blog post.
Maybe, you’re thinking what exactly is the scene that made me so enthusiastic to write something? My friend texted me and she’s asking for some advice because she doesn’t know what to do anymore. She doesn’t want to tell his boyfriend what she really feels and what she really needs because she’s afraid that the guy can’t give what she asks for. She’s afraid that he can’t change for her. And then I told her, “Hey, you know what? You have to tell him what you truly feel. You should get rid of the fear that he can’t do things for you. Do your part. Loving means taking a risk.” And then I remembered some scenes when I and my boyfriend are having some arguments. Then, suddenly, I thought of some lines in my head.
B: What’s happening? I thought we’re here to help each other grow up and be mature?
G: From the very beginning, I always thought that I’m here to help you become a better person. But, am I really making you a better one?
Oh, You Inspire Me.♥
